MANIC BLOG POSTS
No one talks about how you wake up one day and your life is different. They don't discuss lost memory and how it toys with your brain, making you re-think everything. No one explains the heartache and the pain that comes with repression. So I think it's time to talk about it. *TW - Childhood sexual abuse. I recall the day I remembered everything, it was after a brief conversation with my brother's friend. The thickness in my chest turned to stone and I felt it all at that moment. It wasn't anything he did that triggered the old memory, but the way in which he looked right through me as if I wasn't there, as if his eyes were scanning nothing but the outline of my spine. I always wonder what about that encounter brought it all back to me. He was a harmless teenage boy who had been like a brother to me since childhood. So what about him made my inner child scream out for help? I was 13 at the time. I would like to blame the resurfacing of my trauma on the fact I was at a new school, or that my grandma was dying, or numerous other facets in my life that were causing me pain. But I still remember the way my bedroom carpet smelled. How it wrapped around my nose like it was trying to stop my breathing. Each memory came back with a flash of touch here and a closed bedroom door there. I started to remember the details. Each day that passed remembering more and more. Then I would have a day without one, and I would think to myself "thank god, it's over". Until the next day, it would pinch the base of my neck almost as if it was telling me "oh, we're not finished". And I wasn't. I was 13 at the time and I am 26 now, still remembering parts of myself that were locked far away because my childhood brain could not handle it. Every day I wonder if a new memory will resurface and it reminds me to be thankful for the empty days. The days that give me a blank slate not tainted by the memory. It's like my own mind is a self-sabotaging machine and I have no clue what it will do to me next. I'm not sure if a new memory will come. I am not sure if it won't. But I have spent years stuck in a cycle of what ifs. Will I be able to go to the store today without a smell infecting my nose reminding me of what happened at seven years old? Will I see a woman today that looks like my abuser? Will I see a male that does too? Will I actually see my abuser? Will someone's raised voice send me back to the cold tile floor that is my childhood memory? Will the memories ever end? There's a lot about the repression that people, especially those who suffer from childhood trauma, don't talk about. And that's not for lack of trying, it's because it's not easy. It's not easy to trust yourself when you remember things later on when you try to process through all of this delayed memory. You have to grieve for your former self. You have to deal with so much intense shit years after it happens. You convince yourself that it's fake because it's easier than dealing with reality. It wasn't until years and years after remembering my abuse that I even allowed myself to acknowledge that it happened. I would always tell my therapist, "I don't entirely know if my memories are real because they came back so long after. How do I know if these thoughts and flashes of memory are real? How do I know that I'm not just making it all up inside my own mind"? But she responded, "What matters isn't their existence. What matters is how you feel about them and how you can cope from them; that's what we're trying to process here". I think there's validity to that, as long as you're not taking legal action. Then I told her about the painful full-body flashbacks and after that, there was no denying the existence of my childhood trauma... Sometimes it will be a smell: this is the most prominent. I would be walking around campus on my way to class and pass by a boy that smells strong of deodorant and man- I will be reminded then of the tiled basement floor, and the dust inside my nose. I will be reminded of the cold, and the tickles down my spine. Sometimes it will be a person: I will see big and beardy and muscular and I will weep at his features, sent back to the basement couch that felt soft like silk but only spelled out the danger. Sometimes it will be situational: a small girl and an older counterpart, a young girl and an even younger counterpart. From here I will be sent back to my childhood bedroom, under covers, away from it all, face to face with my abuser. Sometimes it will be touch: When feet run against the carpet, in a way that makes me shiver, I will remember my closet floor. ... It all blends the same. It all masks my current reality and sends me back to that childhood memory. Only one I remembered the face of. The other is only hands and smell and the darkness of the basement. I remember once, a few months back I was playing chess with my boyfriend at the time. He had me trapped in a move I could not counter, no matter how many ways I attempted to escape, he had me stuck. I remember thinking how clever he was, admiring his wit. As I scanned the board for something, anything I could do to escape his grasp, I suddenly felt it all. A wave rushing back inside of me, I felt the tickles on my spine again. The memories came flooding in and I was back on the tile floor once more. The tiles resting on my face. My hands, small and frail, the long t-shirt draped over my body because I was huddled inside. I saw hands. Then I blinked and was back in my bedroom again. I do not know how long I was out, or how long I had been frozen in time. My boyfriend looked at me, I only saw a stranger. I blinked again and he came into view. A sense of safety again. I broke down and became immovable for twenty minutes. Sobbing inside of his arms. It is at a time like this I realize why I am always such a sore loser. Losing means lack of control and that is one of my biggest triggers. Every day means a new way of coping because you never know if your previous coping tactics will work for this new memory. This is why writing this has taken me a year. How discussing this rids my whole body of any survival tactics I own. How putting it all out in front of the world to see is terrifying. But necessary. We also talk seldom of how every encounter I had with these people wasn’t a stranger who lured me into their truck with candy, or some guy on the street who took advantage of me. It was a family friend. It was a three year age gap. It was someone who I thought that I could trust, someone who was basically family. 86% of victims know their perpetrator, of that 86%, 36% are family members. If the child is 13 years or older, CPS is called, if there’s more than a 4 to 5 year age gap they suggested you file charges. I was impacted by different types of abuse; sexual, emotional, and physical. ⅔ of those experiences were at the hands of other kids who had years over me. Abuse happens when there’s a power dynamic. I had no choice in the matter, even if at the time I felt as if I did, I didn’t. I was a child. There’s no consent when you’re a child and an older person is involved. Children don’t understand the word. Not unless you sit them down and have the talk and let them know no one is to touch you without your permission. Even then the grooming and coercion can take over. You can become abused and not even know until years later because the abuser was so tactful as convincing the child there was nothing wrong. Or worse, threatening them if they told so they are shunned into silence. See the guilt I felt for so long about everything was a lump in my throat hard to swallow. I would always ask myself questions as a child like: “Did I do this?” “Why me? Out of everyone around, why me?” “Did I say yes?” But the thing is, I was a child, I wasn’t able to advocate for myself because I didn’t know what was happening to me. These people took advantage of that fact. They groomed me and made me believe this is either what love is like, what friendship is, or what I deserved because I had it better than them. I remember being in those moments. I remember every thought I had. Anger, Confusion, Guilt, Fear, wondering why I felt so wrong about something like this? “Was it supposed to be a bad thing?” “I know my mom won’t be happy if she knew this was happening.” “Why am I doing this?” “If I say no they will hurt me” “If I say no they won’t be my friend anymore” “If I say no, they will tell and get me in trouble for something” This is why childhood sexual abuse can never be consenual. I often wonder what goes through the mind of a parent who knows their child has been victimized. What more they could’ve done? But the thing is, if the abuse is in fact from an abuser (and not someone acting out their own abusive experience) usually the abuser will make sure it’s hidden, locked away, never told. They will keep the person experiencing the abuse under close lock and key. Usually in cases like mine (or even more impactful when you look at something like incest), you’ll hear comments from family like “oh but you two were so close, what happened” or years will go by, the two of you close to the hip, and one day you’ll finally get the balls to say something and it crumbles the dynamic of everything. Or lucky for me, they’ll just move away and you won’t have to see them again- or so you think. Abusers, true abusers, groom not only the abused person but everyone around them too. They’ll be extra nice when things are tense, they’ll make it seem like the abused is the crazy one, they’ll make situations where they come out on top every time. This is how sinister abuse can get. Even as a child experiencing it from older teens. It can start that early. The guilt you feel about telling and making people choose weighs you down. You want this person to be out of your life, it is slowly killing you. But then trying to convince everyone of your struggle, when it’s been hidden for so long - that’s the most difficult part. You’ll hear things like: “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” “Are you sure it happened and it wasn’t someone else?” “But they’re so nice to me!!” “Are you sure you didn’t want to?” (this one makes me laugh, of course I didn’t want to I was a fucking child!) “I don’t think they would do something like that” “You’re just seeking attention” “Well maybe talking to them would help?” (also laughable, yes let me sit down with the person who groomed and abused me and just talk it out together!) It was impossible for me to heal with my abuser around. Even harder when ⅔ still had access to me up until I was 13. What they don’t tell you about trauma memories is that they’re not stored like regular memories. Regular memories, like the first time you rode a bike or rode on a roller coaster, are stored like pictures. Little films inside your head to call upon at will. But trauma, that type of memory is stored in your body- separate from the pictures. The trauma and the pictures are held in two separate places. It takes a while for them to catch up to one another. So for me, at 13, they finally caught up to one another. Now I am almost 26 still feeling breath on my neck, tickles down my spine, even after all of this time. Even after being away from my abusers for years- I still worry I’ll see them at an outlet mall, or one day randomly at my home (this has happened), or I’ll be sitting in traffic, stuck at a red light, and their face will stare back at me. There’s no words to describe the pain, fear, full-body immersive exhaustion you feel knowing your abuser can be around any street corner, or even show up at your doorstep. How your family may let that happen because there’s still things they don’t know. Or maybe they do know, and they just don’t care. Your entire being re-experiences the abuse over and over again, just by seeing their face, just by the mention of their name. You feel it all again. Every moment, every feeling you felt then, you are again a child, helpless, misunderstood, scared, tired, and begging for someone to save you. The sad reality is, you may have to save yourself. I did. But know there is hope there. In those moments where you have to get help and stand up for yourself and what you deserve. You should never have to be an adult, with the emotions of that little traumatized kid, and push yourself to help yourself because no one else will- but sometimes that is our reality. People discount what it's like for those who suffer childhood trauma, delayed or not the way it takes over your entire body is overwhelming. A lot of times I hear things like "try to move on" or "let it go". Ask anyone who's a survivor and they would tell you, we would if we could. But each day we wake up we wonder what's to come today. Will we remember something new? Will we remember something old? Will the anxiety from it all even allow us to leave our house? So we try, to work, to function, to go out with friends, to be normal, but it is one of the hardest things we do- live despite it all, despite the memories, despite constantly being immersed in our memories. We move forward. It makes me laugh when people assume trauma survivors are weak, they are some of the strongest people I know. I would also like to make a note that these full-body flashbacks aren't just for those who suffer from childhood trauma either, it can happen with any type of trauma- and sometimes it doesn't. It really just depends on how your mind processes. Some people have trauma move on and function, and some people really struggle. It's all a matter of how it impacts you. But I wanted to make this post to ensure people are aware that repression is something that happens, that memories can resurface whenever they choose to whether it's 7, 10, or 25 years later. There's no prediction on when these things will return. I want to let all of those struggling with something similar that I am here and I am with you. You are not crazy. It doesn't always have to be sexual trauma either. It could be any kind of trauma that impacts you across a lifetime, why you react a certain way to loss or conflict. What we go through in childhood impacts us as adults. If you feel as if you suffer from repression and don't know what to do about it always talk with your (hopefully trauma informed) therapist about it. Work through it as soon as you possibly can. If you do not have access to therapy please make use of these links provided below that offer additional information about childhood trauma: 1) SAMSHA: https://www.samhsa.gov/child-trauma/understanding-child-trauma?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=CMHNetwork+Friday+Update+7-8-16&utm_campaign=CMHNetwork+Friday+Update+7-8-16 2) CPTSD Foundation: https://cptsdfoundation.org/ 3) Out Of The Storm Resources: https://www.outofthestorm.website/treatment 4) International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies: https://www.istss.org/public-resources/what-is-childhood-trauma/public-resources.aspx 5) What To Do When Childhood Trauma Hold You Back (this website also does online therapy but I’ve heard mixed reviews ): https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/trauma/what-to-do-when-childhood-trauma-holds-you-back/ 6) Steps to Healing from Childhood Trauma: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201804/9-steps-healing-childhood-trauma-adult
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If you or anyone you know is struggling with a mental illness I would urge you to get help from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist: a helpful website to visit is psychologytoday you can find psychiatrists, therapists, rehab clinics and even support groups in your local area. The cool thing about this website is you can also filter your search by area of concern and insurance. Don't be afraid to reach out to me via email with suggestions or questions.
Over the years I've been very transparent with my struggles of past trauma and CPTSD. I've been in and out of therapy and on and off of meds for about ten years. Through this experience it has taught me a whole lot about dealing with mental illness and how to cope with it and fully immerse myself into the recovery process. So I shall provide you all with advice from others, my own personal advice based upon these ten years of suicidal ideations, mood swings, remembering trauma, some coping tactics you can utilize and much more- but worry not we won't get into the details of my life. *Keep in mind I am NOT a trained professional and this is all knowledge I have gained throughout the years. If you are suicidal or thinking harmful thoughts do not hesitate to get help right away!!!!! You can text HOME to 741-741 and get connected to a crisis worker immediately in the US and 686868 for Canada. Advice from others: I have received lots of advice during my 24 years of life from other people. Often times peer-support is the one thing that helps me get through. It's one thing to listen to what your therapist says, it's a completely different thing when it's coming from someone who's been where you have, stood where you have, and felt the darkness like you. Feelings aren't always reality, I have been told this repeatedly throughout my journey and it consistently stands true. This is SO important because it helped me combat the self-hate I spent years hurdling at myself. Just because I feel like people hate me, or are annoyed with me, or that my parents resent me, doesn't mean it's 100% true. It's important to be self-analytical, but not self-critical. We can find so much growth here in the small parts of ourselves that are still pushing every day for acceptance. It's okay to know the things about yourself you should change, that's the most important thing you can do. The second most important thing is to do something about it. Being in tune with your body is super important, know where your emotions come from and let them stay for a while. "If you acknowledge the pain/episodes and ride with it instead of fighting it and trying to run from it, it won't be so terrifying and powerful anymore", this piece of advice completely holds true to the nature of living with mental illness. You're going to have emotions that come and go, ebb and flow, but you have to let these happen. The more you learn about these emotions the easier they are to cope with. When dealing with these emotions that come and go, and sometimes even hangout for a long-time, it's important not to shame them or compare them too harshly to others. Just because you may not "have it worse" than someone else doesn't mean your pain isn't also completely justifiable. The biggest most difficult thing to you could be the smallest thing to someone else and vice versa. Trauma is not a competition on who is hurting more. Our brains all react differently to different things. You could've gotten through the death of your dog normally but someone else could've taken it extremely hard, messing them up for a really long time. Pain is not comparable. It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. The things in which you are feeling right now are important, valid, and very real. You're allowed to be sad, depressed, angry, anxious, broken, irreparable- I once was. Your feelings are just as much apart of you as you are of them so it's important to tend to them accordingly. Don't beat yourself up too much, you are not crazy or irregular. What you are feeling others have felt before and gotten through it. It may feel so huge and so heavy right now but it will subside, it will just take a lot of hard work and effort to get there. There are people out there that relate to your struggle and know what it's like. But your struggles are your own, so never let anyone take that from you. You are you and that is your power. Coping Tactics in times of anxiety, high-stress, or triggers: A lot of people repeat the same coping tactics whenever asked what works, which is awesome because those things are really proven to work. So I will take those, expand on them, and add even more coping tactics that I don't hear about too often other than from my therapist. 4-7-8 Breathing Tactic: Breath in through your nose for four seconds (make sure you breath into your diaphragm which means it should rise not collapse), hold for seven, breath out for eight. *Side-note: how you breath out is important, be sure to form your mouth into a tight circle like you're trying to blow through a straw, this helps activate the vagus nerve which aides in slowing down your heart rate and helping with relaxation. Bilateral Stimulation: cross your arms over your legs, or chest, tap slowly with each hand on each leg- left, right, left, right, left right. (couple this with the 4-7-8 method of breathing above to maximize the relaxation). - This is a core method in EMDR and helps stimulate both parts of your brain to bring you back into the present moment. This works because it helps your brain cease to respond to the anxiety stimuli and reverts your attention to something else. Foot Tapping: I'm not sure what to call this other than what it is, but this is another solid use of the vagus nerve, slowing tap your foot up and down. A lot of people do this very quickly when they're nervous, try to slow it down! Move your foot as if you are slowing accelerating and decelerating the brake pedal in your car. Naming: Name 5 things in the room for each of the 5 senses. So five things you see, taste, touch, hear, and feel. My therapist taught me a trick that uses some of the elements to cope in times of anxiety: Wind: slow, calming breaths (try the 4-7-8 method). Water: mindful sip of water (feel the water swish through your mouth, follow as it flows down your throat). Earth: being mindful in the moment, use your senses (try the 5 senses method). Fire: calming memory, real or imaginary (go to your happy place). So always remember to channel your inner Avatar! *a good idea for coping is to always have a "happy place" you go to that makes you feel calm, serene, and at peace- this way you have a safe-space in times of high-stress or anxiety. Maybe it's a beach, or a bookstore, or even on top of a tall tree watching the sunset, whatever it is make it yours and make it ~zen~. Personal Tangible Advice when seeking help/treatment: People often ask me things like: "I've been struggling a lot lately and I'm not sure what to do, can you recommend someone to me"? While I always want to do my best to help people; therapists, psychiatrists and doctors are not one-size-fits-all, even if we struggle from the same disorder or ailments. I tell almost everyone this when they are struggling with their mental health, go see a therapist- do not automatically go to a Primary Care Physician (PCP) for a mental health diagnosis, while they may be able to provide you with helpful resources, they're not trained like a psychiatrist or a therapist and they will most likely give you some mental health medication that's been the gold standard for ages. Be weary of this!! BUT also do not discount your PCP's, they know a good amount, just don't seek them out specifically for mental health related issues because there are much better means of dealing with your ailments. In addition to this, don't automatically assume that medication is the best avenue for you. Unless of course you are dealing with suicidal ideation or intention, then talk to someone RIGHT AWAY! If you've been down and struggling for a while, whether it be from anxiety, depression, bipolar, grief, E.D, or you generally just need someone to talk to- I ALWAYS recommend therapy first. They can help put things back together for you that you did not know were out of place. The one thing I have heard some people say when being averse to therapy is that they didn't feel like it helped them, or they felt like it consisted of them just them venting for an hour with no real progress. If that is the case you are 100% allowed to say SEE YA to that therapist and go find a new one, I would highly recommend a conversation first. Therapists work for YOU, you're paying them to help you, so don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and let them know you don't feel like you're making progress. Like I said, they are not one-size-fits-all. While my therapist helps me immensely you may not like his/her style and that is okay. We all are struggling from different things and it's important we find the right fit for each of us. I had to go through many many different therapists before I found the right fit for me and BOY does it make a difference. I always say finding a therapist is like finding a best friend because you truly have to get someone you vibe with that will also push you in the right direction. There are also may different types of therapy, such as CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc etc. To learn more about these you can click on the text and it will take you to an article that explains them. So if one therapist works mostly in CBT and that doesn't seem to be working for you, communicate with them and ask if you can try a different approach. Not every therapist is EMDR or DBT certified so be mindful of that. Another thing I like to express to people is that trauma is a VITAL portion of what you have to pay attention to for your entire life. Always be mindful of your past and how it has shaped you as a person. A big contender on your feelings could most definitely be what you've been through. Often times our minds heal and cope at a very slow pace, so trauma from when you were 12 can be resurfacing at 24. Healing is not linear. This was a huge one for me. When I was about 13-14 years old I was diagnosed as bipolar, which I held on to for a very long time. But what I wasn't expressing to my therapist (because I wasn't being mindful enough) were all the triggers that exasperated my mood swings. Yes I would stay awake for three nights in a row, but that came directly after a new memory resurfaced for me. I held a lot back from my first real therapist and so as a result not a lot of progress was made. Be sure to be completely transparent with your therapist, that's how they can help you. It may take a lot of time and hard work to be able to open up to them completely and that is okay, everything should be taken at a pace you feel comfortable with. Some therapists will eventually diagnose you, so try not to focus too hard on the label of what mental illness category you fall into. Though labels can be helpful for treatment options, your main priority should be your symptoms and how to effectively cope with them- especially in a therapy setting. I spent many of my years trying to fit myself into a diagnosis' box, I was this and I was that- but doing that was a disservice to my healing because instead of pushing myself to heal I made excuses for myself, "this is just the way I am, I'll never get better, I have a mental illness". All of these things are not completely true. There is hope, you can cope, and you can manage your mental illness. Do not think a diagnosis is an end-all-be-all for you. You can find comfort in a name, but do not get too hung up on finding one or you will mentally wear yourself out. Especially when the symptoms for a lot of mental illnesses are very similar. You are valid and so are your feelings- allow yourself the space to cope, heal, and recover. Find comfort in labels by knowing that they are there for a reason but do not get too hung up on where they box you in. Pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you, be aware of what causes your shift in mood. Many times I would have ups and downs and be completely unaware of the root cause and I would think oh, it's just my mental illness and shrug it off. But after further analysis I realized that a week before my period, on cue, I would get crazy erratic mood swings due to hormones. Or if I was feeling too hungry I would get extremely irritable. There are so many factors that go into coping with your mental illness like diet, hormones, exercise, antioxidants, vitamin deficiency, etc it's important to look at all angles of your body and your life. This isn't to say- stop taking your meds and take vitamins instead. Always listen to the doctors, but also always listen to your body. And ALWAYS stick up for yourself and what is right for you. Keep taking your medicine even if you feel better because most of the time that means the medicine is working. Always keep the lines of communication open and transparent with both your therapist and psychiatrist. However, I am aware that a lot of people are struggle very heavily and may not have accessibility to certain resources- I urge you to reach out to the people around you and try to find alternatives in your community if possible. For example, in my area there is a mental health recovery center that allows people to take free classes such as yoga, painting, cooking, etc. These classes are intended to help people feel less alone and to get them integrated back into their local community. I'm trying my best in my own community to make mental health help more accessible for those who are struggling and cannot afford it. If you are financially struggling, try some apps to help in the meantime or reach out to an online help line that doesn't charge, you can text HOME to 741-741 and get connected to a crisis worker immediately in the US and 686868 for Canada. Sometimes this can be a useful tool if you're having a bad moment and need immediate help. Try to utilize all the resources you can. I know some university's have mental health counselors available for free or of little cost. Disclaimer: if you're heavily suffering, your first step should be to reach out to someone for a helping hand and guidance- make a therapy appointment, make a psychiatry appointment. Better is possible. I was a suicidal up until I was about 20 years old, it took a long time for me to get better because I did not believe I could. But as soon as I started believing in myself and started realizing I was worthy of help that's when real genuine progress was made. Apps that I use to help me keep track of myself & cope: Daylio: Mood Tracking App - I love this app because it helps me keep track of my mood imbalances, patterns, and fluctuations. It also allows me to keep tabs on what specific tasks trigger my negative/positive moods. It provides you with graphs and charts to visually show you the changes. I recommend putting in your moods just once a day to ensure your data is accurate if you're using it strictly for mood & not task-mood management. Pacifica: Meditation/Wellness App - This app I liked a lot because it really helps you with mindfulness through meditation. This one is really good if you need a way to relax everyday. It also charts your progress and provides you with support group communities. My favorite thing about this app is you can "rename" your thoughts, you can literally cross out the negative things you are feeling and replace them with positives, this is sooo helpful to combat negative self-talk. Breathe: Meditation App - This one is just a standard meditation app where you have to pay for the extras, but the basics are just as good. You take a self-assessment based on how you feel and it gives you short guided meditation practiced based upon that. This helped me a whole bunch before bed or a big test! Rootd: Anxiety Help - I love this app for when I'm having severe anxiety because it's not only a mild distraction, it also gives you helpful pieces of advice until you feel better. There's also different tools within the app that teach you coping tactics. What's Up: Anxiety/Depression Help - Okay, so this app is very outdated however it still works very well for me. It's good for if you need help right away and you're struggling a lot. It has different categories for what you're feeling in that specific moment. You can write in a diary, find resources, and learn coping strategies. Take care of yourself, love yourself, and be patient with yourself. You will heal. There is time. Things can change in your life for the better. I didn't believe it in the midst of my deepest, darkest depressions but I am so glad I held out. My struggles will never fully be over and I know that, but I also know that among them I can still find comfort and solace. My pain and I can coincide and I have found lessons here in the darkness. You will live a life you are proud of. Give yourself a self-care day. Even if that means just taking a shower or getting the mail- start somewhere. Listen to music, write out your feelings, reach out to a friend. You can do this, get through it, and be the person you've always wanted to be. With love, Amanda. Any other questions, concerns or advice you need please do not hesitate to reach out to me [email protected] or hit me up on any social media account @manicpodcasting You can do this!!!!! The world is rooting for you. There's never anything wrong with getting help for what you're going through!!! I believe in you. Inspiration doesn't come often, but when it does you should jump.
What does this look like? What does being immersed inside creativity and coming out the other end a winner even feel like anyway? We all have endless ideas and passions we want to follow but never do, why is that? Maybe because it's fear of failure, or fear no one is going to support you, or maybe you're afraid of trying. Either way, claiming your creativity and making something out of it is hard, it will always be. But that's not a reason to stop. It's important though to stop the negative self-talk and just jump in, head first, even if most days it feels like you can't swim. Everything in life is learned through experience and I have spent 24 years of my life experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly. So here are some tips I've learned along the way. 1. If you have an idea, someone has had that idea already and is probably in the works of creating it too. So hone in on the uniqueness of your craft. The reality of life is that no one idea is ever truly original, at least according to Mark Twain. So what can you do to put your own personal flare on your idea, or your art? In the effort to make Manic I knew there were a billion different podcasts out there probably talking about the same things, with the same formula, so why should I dive into an already saturated market? Here's why, because none of those podcasters are me. I am my own personal brand and I bring my own personal flare to the table. I don't have an intro, I just jump right into the content and I give people important topics from a first hand account. You can find those things other places sure, but none of them cover the same exact topics, with the same exact people, and that's my niche, that's where I differ. So I hone in on the importance and viability of both of those things. You should do the same. Hone in on what makes you different but appreciate and acknowledge the similarities, you can learn from them. 2. Do your research first, but remember nothing teaches you as well as experience. In the podcasting world, it's obvious you have to do a ton of research before getting started. You have to factor in so many different aspects like what equipment to use, what software is needed to record, should there be an intro, or even a co-host, what should branding look like, etc etc. Before getting started I was your typical ol' "let's just jump in" type of podcaster. I uploaded all of my episodes on to SoundCloud before realizing "OH SHIT, Soundcloud only allows a three hour recording limit before they charge you". So I was naive, I did little to no research and had to fill in the blanks after I was already committed. But you know what this taught me? To properly do my research on things before starting. But no amount of research could've prepared me for the pain in the ass that is editing. You can look at all the websites you want, but with something like editing, it's all trial and error. But you can do it, experience is important in whatever avenue you take, so jump in. 3. Don't put the entirety of your ego into one thing. We all have those projects that are like our small children, we take care of them like they're our flesh and blood, our lifeline! Though the idea of this is rooted in good intention, it causes us to put our all into something that most likely isn't going to give us that same thing in return. I know this seems entirely pessimistic, but hear me out here. It's like those sports movies you watch where everyone stops worrying about the score and starts just having fun, and then once they do that they end up winning the championship! So yeah, like that. Have fun and throw yourself into whatever you do, but do not drain your energy, you will suffer from extreme burnout and end up resenting your craft. Do not put all of your confidence into one thing because chances are, you will get let down. Trust me, I have done this more times than I can count. But do not let that stop you from chasing your dreams. The reality is, nothing is ever going to get as good of a community reaction as you hope and that's okay. Go into everything with a positive attitude and an open mind and do this for YOU, not for the kudos. 4. Don't half-ass a bunch of things, whole ass one thing. I swear I cannot remember where I heard this from, probably my dad, but goddamn is it true. Throw yourself HARD into whatever you do, don't forget to leave time for yourself, BUT definitely keep your eye on the prize, just one prize, at one time. I have this issue where I throw myself into far too many tasks at once and because of that each of them do not get the attention they deserve. This is especially true when handling a lot of different online projects for different avenues. Such as, I run the social media for five different accounts/business' right now. FIVE. So, some of them have to suffer because I have to focus on the most important ones, so my own personal accounts tend to get shoved to the wayside. I could be making soooo much more progress in my own art and with my own projects if I did not take on so many other business ventures. But you get excited about every opportunity and want to pounce and I get that! But just make sure you organize your time wisely, and make sure you put the most important things to you at the very forefront. Don't half-ass anything. Work double hard if you have to. 5. Work smart, not hard. Blah Blah Blah. How many times have you heard this one huh? You have to work hard for what you want obviously! But never work harder than you have to for something that doesn't give you a great payoff in the end. This goes for literally everything in life, but especially creative outlets. Don't spend 50 minutes curating an email list for your website that you're not sure anyone uses, print one out and have people sign it themselves if they're interested. ALWAYS let other people put in the effort, if they care they will! An example, if you're giving out a promotion try letting the internet people who already endorse your product do it for you. Instead of "hey, buy this thing with this coupon"! Try something like, "Like my page and tag three of your friends and you'll be entered into a contest to get 25% off your next order"! This way you're virtually doing nothing- the coupon was already gonna be available anyway but now you're getting your brand and your name out there! Giveaways are always a sly little marketing tactic. 6. Trust your instincts This one is simple, if something does not feel right- do not put it out into the world. Your art is a reflection of you and if at any time you don't feel comfortable, adjust. There has been a lot of content that has been said on my podcasts that I'm like "oh no this may come off very bad" so I remove it completely even if the guest thought they made a very valid point. You gotta do, what you gotta do and in the end you will feel better for it. 7. Fact Check EVERYTHING This one is in relation to mainly podcasting and having guests on the show, but can be applied for life as well. Make sure everything someone is saying is accurate before you put it out into the world. Even make sure what you're saying is accurate. We live in a time of constant (mis)information so it's very vital you do not contribute to the spouting of random bullshit to further a point. 8. Never be afraid to ask for help. It is not and will never be a sign of weakness to ask for help. Most of the things I have accomplished in life are because other people's advice helped me get there. You are still self-made if you ask for help, or guidance, or advice. It's so important to utilize all of your resources and connections! Networking makes the world go round! 9. Don't let the jealousy bug discourage you! This is kind of a play off of number one, but seriously do not let yourself get discouraged based upon what the next person is doing! Everyone in this world is always doing something, always making a new piece of art, or music, or something. But like I said before, none of them are YOU and that's your superpower. Don't let envy drive you away from doing what you love because you will only become even more discouraged and sad and pissed off. Life isn't a game, there are no winners here, so you might as well do what you LOVE. 10. Just Jump In GO! NOW! That art piece that you've been wanting to create for a while now, that you keep getting discouraged about? DO IT. That poem about your ex you've been keeping locked away out of fear, but is actually super good. READ IT. That poetry event you keep meaning to go to but keep getting scared off. GO! That podcast you've been wanting to start but don't know how. RESEARCH & DO IT. Much love to all, never be afraid to reach out for advice my email is open: [email protected] AuthorAmanda S is here to give you helpful life advice when she's not recording her podcasts or planning events ArchivesCategories |